Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
We talked him into tasing himself.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
