I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
