Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
