I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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