btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
