theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
