What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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