the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
