Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
