There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
