I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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