Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
