Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
don't judge my taste in strippers
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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