Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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