My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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