The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I can't turn off my feet"
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
