She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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