I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
