i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
