i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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