her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
