i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
He did a backflip because drugs
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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