Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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