We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
