He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
