theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
