Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
