Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
