i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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