can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
last night I used snow as a chaser
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
