He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
