Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
