True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
