the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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