Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
ttyl tear gas
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
