You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
