you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
