he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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