Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
