So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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