I faked an abortion last night.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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