the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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