I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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