remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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