I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
