I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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