When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
