so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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