So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
