Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
